Last night, D’s softball team ended their game in a tie. It was fun to watch and everybody loved the dog. The dog had tons of fun as well. The game was delayed because of rain so when we got there everyone was wet. So that was fun. But things took an interesting turn towards the end of the game.
You see, we’ve been doing this fitness challenge in which we have to drink a lot of water. My beautiful partner isn’t very skilled in, how can I put this delicately, holding in her pee. Suffice to say, when she has to go – she has to go. So she approaches me and tells me that she has to pee. I walk with her to some structure in the park that we were in to see if there was a bathroom and if it was still unlocked. You never know when you’re in a park after dark.
Also, parks after dark are not the most chill places to be strolling about. So I made sure to go with her. We walked around the large structure and found doors at both ends. In the middle, there was a trio of water fountains. D went to check the doors while I filmed the water fountains because I’m weird like that. For some reason, whether it was kids playing a prank or just poor assembly, all three water fountains were running. This was one of those park water fountains in which all three bins and spouts protruded from each other on different levels for different sized humans. Here is an image for reference.
The wild part about this image is that I was scrolling through an image search and I finally found this fountain that looks incredibly like the one we saw last night. The image led to an article about a “giant pond” that was finally fixed in a different Chicago park not too far from us at the time. So it appears we stumbled upon a new pond in development.
Anyway, all three bins were filled and overflowing and there was a manhole nearby. I like to find the beauty in such things. Like a dumpster covered in graffiti. I’m weird like that I suppose. But this story isn’t about a dumpster or even a water fountain.
As I stood there filming the water fountains, D came back up to me. She had checked both doors and they were locked. We walked back to the field and one of her teammates said she thought there might’ve been a port-a-potty on the other side of the park. The dark and gloomy side. You know, oppose to the wet and slippery side we were on.
So we ventured in that direction. D, the dog and I walked around this little path and went through the park in a circle. I was making sure we stuck to one side because there were people on the other side sitting in the dark doing who knows what. We walked toward the end of the park and there was no john. We could kind of see the other end of the park, where the people were, but D wanted to be sure. So she started walking down this darker path in-between a public pool and the edge of the park. I quickly caught up to her and told her to stay by my side. She doesn’t always have the best street smarts, especially when she’s in a hurry. We get to the edge of the darkened pathway and we both can see there is no john in this park at all. I look back at her and she’s hopping on her feet, seemingly ready to burst. She says to me “I have to go!” I look around. We are at the edge of the park, behind a structure, around the corner there are two people sitting at a table doing what people do in parks after dark. Behind us is the fence to the park with a street beyond it. Not an empty street either. No cars were driving by but plenty were parked…in front of homes. But it looked quiet enough. The people at the table couldn’t see us, didn’t see a lot of action on the street. I turned back to her and said,
“Then go!” She pulled her softball pants down and squatted in one motion. I turned away and sort of moved in front of D to try to block her as I heard a XXL Super Soaker 9000 unleash it’s tank onto the concrete. The rate at which urine left my partner’s body was extraordinary. The splash back on that cold wet night was superfluous. I immediately took a step back to make sure my calves would remain piss-free. The whole thing took maybe 4 seconds but it was loud and large. She went to stand up and asked me mid-pants pull if I had any napkins on me. I slowly shook my head as she finished pulling her pants up. Everything happened so fast, I’m entirely sure if this was related or not, but the people on the table started making some noises of their own at the same time. They started stirring around a bit. So I grabbed D by hand and quickly got us on our way. She told me that we should wait to come back so no one suspects anything.
As soon as we went to leave, we hear a cop car off in the distance. We look over and about a block away, the lights are swirling above a police SUV. It was so far away that it was obviously unrelated, but D immediately got nervous. When D panics, she stops listening, responding, etc. She starts walking quickly back towards the softball field. I try to keep up with her, asking her questions that keep getting ignored. I finally catch up and ask her to stop for a second. We made it back to the water fountains and wait there for a minute. We watch as the shady figures from the park table leave the park as the cop car rolls by. D lets out a sigh of relief. “I thought that was for me.”
“Why, on earth, would that be for you?” I asked. We chuckled and wait a few more seconds. The plan was to tell her teammates that there was no john and she just held it for now. After she did a quick spin so I could verify there was no visible piss on her, we headed back. No one questioned anything and I watched her team almost win, but settle for a tie (a favorable outcome).
Afterward, because I took a cheat day, we went to Portillos and I got me a burger, fries, and a shake. I ate all that shit. It’s been a while since I had that many carbs and that much sugar. We went home and I enjoyed most of it. The dog had a good amount of the fries.
We went to bed after D had a quick shower. This was not the first time D had peed herself. In fact, she peed on herself a little bit earlier that day. This probably won’t be the last time I write about her peeing on herself. That is just the way life goes sometimes. I suppose.